yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
