I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
