I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
