It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
