Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
