My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
