I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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