I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
