Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
