your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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