Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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