Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
