So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
