Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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