Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
