First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
