The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later