this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
