and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend