just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
