he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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