I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
