He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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