If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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