i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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