So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
