dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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