Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
