you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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