Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
