i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
