my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
