____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
