Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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