The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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