I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
