Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
