his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
