I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
