Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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