I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize