you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
