chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
