Your tits are I can't wait for
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
