Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
