did you get engaged???
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do herpes really smell.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
