Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
