she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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