I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
