the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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