The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
