I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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