so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
