at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
