Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
