But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
