She said her name was "party"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Randomize
