I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
third nipple confirmed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
