we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
