You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
