Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
