remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
