Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
