I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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