Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
