Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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