her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
