we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
