I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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