Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she smelled like a LAN party
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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