dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
