They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's like iHOP with fire
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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